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The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness.

Writer's pictureMaia Pollan

Spiritual Bypassing: Avoiding Self-Reflection in Pursuit of Happiness.

Updated: Jul 11, 2023

Let's be real, we all want to be happy and fulfilled. And what better way to achieve that than through spirituality? But hold up a second, what happens when we use spirituality as an excuse to avoid our emotions? That's right travelers, we're talking about spiritual bypassing. It's like trying to use a band-aid to fix a broken leg - it just doesn't work.


Spiritual bypassing can be a tempting solution for those who are struggling with difficult emotions or painful experiences. It involves using spiritual practices or beliefs to avoid facing the underlying issues and emotions that need to be addressed. Unfortunately, this approach does not address the root cause of the problem, and it can actually prevent us from experiencing true healing and growth.


In order to truly find happiness and fulfillment, we must be willing to face our emotions head-on and work through them in a healthy way. While spirituality can be a valuable tool in this process, it should not be used as a way to avoid the important work of emotional healing.

 

Identifying Our Bypass Nature:


Have you ever found yourself using spiritual practices or beliefs as a way to avoid dealing with difficult emotions or experiences?


While it may feel like a solution in the moment, this approach, known as spiritual bypassing, can actually create more harm than good. It can give you a false sense of happiness and prevent you from truly experiencing deep healing and growth.


The truth is, we must be willing to face our emotions head-on in order to find true fulfillment and happiness. While spirituality can be a helpful tool in this process, it should not be used as a way to avoid the important work of emotional healing.


Don't fall into the trap of spiritual bypassing - face your emotions with courage and compassion for a more authentic and fulfilling life.

 

Signs of Spiritual Bypassing:


1. Believing that positive thinking alone can solve all problems: This is a common form of spiritual bypassing where people believe that if they just focus on positive thoughts and ignore negative emotions or circumstances, everything will work out for them.


While positive thinking can certainly help, it's not a panacea for all problems. Sometimes we need to face our negative thoughts and emotions in order to heal and grow.


2. Using spiritual concepts to justify harmful behaviors: In some cases, people use spiritual concepts to justify their own harmful behaviors or to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.


For example, someone might say "I'm just following my intuition" as a way to justify behavior that is actually selfish or hurtful to others. This kind of spiritual bypassing can be particularly dangerous because it allows people to avoid facing the consequences of their actions.


3. Judging others for not being "spiritual enough": Sometimes people who are on a spiritual path can fall into the trap of judging others who are not on the same path or who have different beliefs.


This can create a sense of superiority or self-righteousness, which is a form of spiritual bypassing. Judging others for not being "spiritual enough" can also be a way to avoid looking at our own shortcomings or areas where we need to grow.


4. Having unrealistic expectations about spiritual practices: Another form of spiritual bypassing is having unrealistic expectations about spiritual practices.


For example, someone might believe that meditating for 10 minutes a day will instantly solve all their problems, or that attending a weekend retreat will completely transform their life.


While spiritual practices can certainly be beneficial, they are not a quick fix or a magic solution. Having unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration, and can also prevent us from fully engaging with the practice.


5. Judging others based on their beliefs or values: It's common for people to judge others based on their beliefs or values, whether it's religious, political, or cultural.


For example, someone might assume that someone who is a different religion or political affiliation is ignorant or immoral, or that someone who has different cultural practices is inferior.


These judgments can be based on stereotypes and can be hurtful and divisive. Instead of judging others based on their beliefs or values, it's important to respect differences and seek to understand others' perspectives.


6. Expecting others to meet our needs without communication: Sometimes we have expectations of others without communicating them directly.


For example, we might expect our partner to know what we want without us telling them, or we might expect our friends to always be available when we need them.


These expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration when the other person doesn't meet our needs, and can also strain relationships. It's important to communicate our needs clearly and respectfully, and to also be open to compromise and understanding.


7. Believing that everything happens for a reason: While this can be a comforting belief, it can also be a form of spiritual bypassing if it's used to ignore or dismiss the pain and suffering of others.


For example, someone who believes that a devastating natural disaster was simply "meant to be" may be using this belief to avoid grappling with the tragedy and its impact on the people affected.


While it's true that some events may have a larger purpose or lesson, it's important to also acknowledge the very real human suffering that can result from them. This can involve supporting relief efforts, donating to charities, or simply holding space for those who are grieving or struggling.

 

Special Bypassing:

The Art of Avoiding Responsibility through

Spiritual Language.


Special bypassing is a form of spiritual bypassing where individuals use their spiritual beliefs and ideas about themselves to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions or situations.


Making excuses is a common form of special bypassing, where individuals use spiritual language to shift responsibility onto others. This can manifest in many ways, including blaming others for problems or issues that we are responsible for.


When we blame others, we are essentially shifting responsibility onto them instead of taking responsibility for our own actions. This can be especially harmful in relationships, as it can create a cycle of blame and defensiveness that gets in the way of true understanding and growth.


A classic example of special bypassing involving blaming others might occur when somebody uses spiritual jargon to avoid confronting their own behavior.


For instance...

Let's say you have inadvertently hurt someone's feelings by being insensitive. Instead of owning your mistake and offering an apology, you might absolve yourself of responsibility by saying something like, "I've already forgiven you, but you're just not on the same level of spiritual evolution as me to let-it go"


In this case, you are unjustly shifting the blame onto the other person and failing to take accountability for your actions, which can impede your personal growth and damage your relationships.


It's important to take responsibility for our own actions and emotions and not use your beliefs as an excuse to avoid dealing with uncomfortable situations or judging others.

 

Importance of Self-Reflection:


Have you ever thought about what it takes to lead a truly happy and fulfilling life?


It all starts with addressing our emotional issues and gaining self-awareness. It is to take a journey within ourselves, exploring our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and being truthful about our strengths and weaknesses. It's about taking control of our own happiness and not relying on external factors to make us feel content.


Self-reflection is a crucial element of personal growth and spiritual development. By taking the time to reflect on our inner selves, we gain a deeper understanding of who we are and what we need to reach our full potential. We can identify patterns and behaviors that are holding us back and begin making positive changes.


It is to be brave enough to shine a light on the parts of ourselves we might have been ignoring or suppressing, and acknowledging them in order to move forward.


If you are looking for true happiness and fulfillment, it begins with taking a step back to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Be honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses, and take ownership of your own happiness. It's a journey worth taking, and the rewards are immeasurable.


 

If you have ever felt lost, unsure of your direction in life or even wondered why you're not as happy or fulfilled as you thought you would be?


The answer could be as simple, as again: taking the time to reflect on yourself.


One of the most thought-provoking quotes I frequently reference is by Alan Watts who said, "there is no greater preoccupation than the self." 


This quote highlights the fact we are constantly preoccupied with ourselves, and our thoughts and actions often revolve around self-reflection and self-improvement. It reminds us that life is never dull when we are constantly striving to understand and better ourselves.


Despite this truth, we often find ourselves avoiding the self. It is almost as if, we are natural masters of spiritual bypassing, avoiding the difficult and uncomfortable aspects of self-reflection and personal growth. Perhaps, we are afraid of what we might find if we look too deeply.


As someone who has personally gone on a journey of self-discovery, I can attest to the transformative power of exploring the depths of my own being. Through this process, I have found a deep sense of inner peace, self-awareness, and purpose that has positively impacted every aspect of my life.


Despite our fears, going deeply and exploring the depths of ourselves can be a positive and life-affirming experience. It can help us gain a deeper understanding of our strengths and weaknesses, which in turn helps us to become more self-aware and self-confident. It allows us to develop a clearer sense of purpose and direction in life, and to cultivate greater compassion and empathy towards others. Ultimately, going deeply within ourselves can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life, as we discover and embrace our true selves.

 

Self-reflection is a crucial component of personal growth and spiritual development. By examining our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we can gain a deeper understanding of who we are and where we're headed. We can identify patterns and behaviors that are holding us back and begin to make positive changes in our lives.


But let's be real: self-reflection is not an easy task. It requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves, to acknowledge our flaws and weaknesses. It's tempting to avoid this process and resort to spirituality, excuses and blame as a means of escape.


Remember:

... spiritual bypassing is not the solution. It may provide temporary relief, but it ultimately hinders our ability to find true happiness and fulfillment. In order to grow and develop as individuals, we must be willing to face our emotional issues head-on and work through them.


So, take the time to reflect on yourself. Embrace your flaws and imperfections. Recognize that they are a part of who you are, but they don't have to define you. By doing so, you'll unlock the secret to happiness and embark on a journey of self-discovery that will change your life for the better.


within gratitude, Maia ox!

 

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